Busimax Contamination Discovered in Area Water Supply
Busimax Contamination Discovered in Area Water Supply
Plainsville — The residents of Plainsville received a surprising answer to the strange behavior seen in the area over the previous month when health officials announced that the area water supply was tainted with recalled drug Busimax. Officials did not at this time disclose how the contamination had occurred, or how it was discovered.
Officials urged residents to either filter or boil their water until further notice. “We believe that we have stopped further contamination from entering the system, but at this time there may still be active contamination in the waterways,” said County Commissioner Buck Houston.
Area residents reacted to the news calmly.
“Guess that explains why I’ve been so eager to get home from work to see my wife lately,” said Thomas Jay, who was visiting the park where the press conference was held. “I can’t say I’m disappointed with the effects on her, though. ”His wife, Martha stood nearby.
“Well, I wasn’t always this tall, and my shirts used to fit better,” she said, when asked about the effects of the previous month on her. “I’m 6′8″ and [my breasts] are 40M.”
Other residents seemed nonplussed by the announcement. “I just wonder if this means business will slow down again,” one area retailer told reporters. “I’ve seen sales of women’s tops in all sorts of crazy sizes go through the roof, and I’ll miss that for sure.”
“I’m planning on going home and drinking a big pitcher,” one young woman told reporters. “I’ve been small all my life, and here’s a chance to fix it!”
Officials began investigating Plainsville’s water supply early this month after reports of spontaneous orgies and other unexpected behavioral changes. They began to suspect Busimax contamination when an entire elementary school spontaneously underwent rapid maturation, a hallmark side effect of improper use of the puberty-stimulating drug.
At this time, authorities do not know who is responsible for the contamination. There have been similar incidents reported in other small towns across the country. Sources close to the FBI say the agency is investigating for links to domestic or international terrorism.