“Have I explained how much I love being all-powerful?

“That’s not even the right word for it. That implies I have powers, or somehow am bound by human conceptions of the divine.

“But this is more than that. It’s almost impossible to describe to someone as limited as you are… but I’ll do it anyway, since I can do anything.

“Every atom, every subatomic particle, every mote of existence, everything is an extension of my will. Time passes because I deem it shall pass. Gravity is a constant because I desire it to be.

“And this is not a passive process. Even as I sit here, interacting with you, I allow your cellular metabolic processes to function, your lungs to breathe in and out, the very elemental forces that bind you together to continue to keep you from evaporating into a puff of steam.

“I am even powerful enough to will paradoxical things. For example, you are aware that I attained my status as the omnipotent will of all existence in a freak lab accident six months ago. But I also have been the all-knowing empress of creation since before creation; the universe exists because I willed it into existence, and I willed into being the sequence of events that lead to my own apotheosis. I am the true power behind all things, the prime mover of all.

“I understand your arousal at my presence. After all, my own will is for my form to be the most beautiful; no matter my appearance, all other standards of attractiveness must be measured from it.

“Happily for you, it is currently my will that you pleasure me. In fact, your existence at all was purely for this moment, when I would be aroused enough by my own majesty that I would desire accompaniment; I willed your great-grandparents to fall in love to eventually produce you.

“Come, worship your goddess.”